I Gave You All
by claupadfoot
Summary: One day I woke up to your absence, since that day I don't know what to do with my life. Angst.


**I wrote this in an emotional moment, I'm sorry for the pain. Also, this is not beta readed so, all mistakes are mine. **

**Try listening to 'I Gave You All' by Mumford and Sons.**

**I love reviews ;). That being said, enjoy the reading. **

I gave you all, Regina. I bid my soul to you. I trusted you and what the hell did you do? You broke me. You teared me apart with your lies. You knew! You fucking new I hate lies! And I hate you for it.

No, I don't. I don't fucking hate you but I wish I would because it'll make everything easier.

I can't stand this pain, it's eating me alive. I can't stop missing you, Regina. Do you ever miss me?

Why did you lie to me? I asked you not to dammit! I trusted you, oh, how I trusted you.

I still care about you. I thought it was time to let you go, you know? But I can't. I thought it was a matter of time. That I was going to wake up one day and feel better, less broken, less shattered, less disgusted. But let me tell you something, time doesn't work. I'm tired of waiting. I want you back, I want us back, even if there were lies, I need us back.

I can't think in our kisses without having this image of him kissing you, I can't talk about salads or flowers or even drink root beer, because they remind me of you and me together. I haven't had grilled cheese since forever.

I'm tired of waking up to my empty bed, of feel coldness in your side. Of going to the kitchen and find it empty without coffee being poured up in my favorite mug or the smell of breakfast. I miss the noise, the silence is deafening.

I barely sleep, you know. My bed is too big without you; I miss your feet's caressing mine under the sheets and our joined hands while we kiss, while we made love. Because was it, right? Was love what we shared? I miss us, oh god. I truly miss us, Gina.

Do you ever turn around and look at the life you have now and wonder if it's worth it? I do. I wonder every single day if live without you is worth it and then I remember I have a kid that needs me, remember, our kid. It's hard to have to see your face every time I go to pick him up. It's hard to contain the tears when the not in my throat is bigger than my pride.

I wonder if he makes you smile and if you feel free with him. I wonder if he knows how you like your coffee or how much it bothers you if someone leaves the tooth paste open. I wonder if he stays watching you in your sleep like I did. But mostly I wonder if he holds you while you cry on your sleep, when you have your nightmares. I did, I held you. And you held me. I brushed all your tears away, I caressed your cheeks with my fingers and I wish I could do it again. I'm a mess, Regina, and it's your fault.

I wish I could tell you how I feel. You were the only one who understood me. And I felt safe, I felts secure with you. Dammit, Regina! I fought everyone for our relationship, I trusted you with my heart.

Why did you change me? Was because I'm broken? Or because it was the easier with him?

Sometimes when I'm lying in bed thinking about us, I remember the way our bodies felt connected, how my touch made your skin shiver or how my tongue made you come many times. Does he make you come like I did? Ugh, I don't even want to think about you and him that way, because it makes me feel dizzy and nauseous.

Remember the time we watched Love Story? And how it made you cry, does he know with which movies make you cry? Or why you hate Nicolas Cage. Or why you're mad every single Monday. Because I know. I know you hate mornings as I do, but you're a morning person because Henry is a morning person. I know you left your bacon so Henry can have more, and I know you love to drink cider while listening to some Jazz. I bet he doesn't know this. I bet he doesn't know you like I do.

I bet you left me because it was easy to be with someone that doesn't know how to cut your tree, or how to pull your emotions on edge. I bet you are with him because your mother's voice is haunting you, telling you that love is weakness.

I bet you are with him because it's better to have the opportunity to know what that person is thinking just to look into his eyes. I bet you are with him because you can't handle my glance.

Because you know I love you, and you love me. Because you don't know how to love very well and I don't either. I bet you are with him because the Savior can't love the Evil Queen. But you are so wrong, because you've never been the Evil Queen for me, because you've always been and always will be just Regina Mills.


End file.
